Zutarafan16

trying to find time

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Zutarafan16

Nov 14, 2009

umm... To Anyone Who Actually Still Remembers Me

2 min read

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I'm still alive. And I never realized how much I've missed this place until now that I've come back. Well, really I'm still making my way back. but hopefully my hiatus is over. And i'm going to try to get back into the motion of things around here.

But I might just start a new account. Just to start clean and actually try to keep up with it. But i'm still debating that.

I've really missed you all sooo much!!

wow, my last journal entry was Mar. 25th. that seems ages ago.
also, I think I have changed a lot. more on that later, but i just dont think im the same as i used to be.

and whats this about free journal skins? *changing mine*

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Zutarafan16

Mar 25, 2009

Row, row, row your boat!

19 min read

NEGLECTION! I'M SORRY!

i've really just been so busy. so i'll guess i'll explain what i've been doing. for the past 3 weeks or so i have been working backstage for my school play Guys and Dolls. (

was actually in it) the showing was this weekend. but before that we basically had practice almost everday from 6:30 to around 10:00. but i enjoyed it. even if it took away from other things, it was still a lot of fun. and backstage is actually really hard. harder than i expected at least. i also made a lot of new friends, which is always good.
but also playing one of the lead roles of was 'Mark'. and another person who had an okay role was 'Allen'. if you have read my past journal entries, you'd prolly know who they are, actually even if you did, you prolly forgot, so yah, they were both guys on my cross country team, and i used to like Allen and Mark, but now i only like Mark. only theres not much time to socialize during rehersal, much. maybe there is for the actors, but we had to watch the rehersal the entire time, and we could only talk to eachother, and the actors that are waiting to go on. and im too much of a loser to think of anything to really say to Mark. the entire time, i probably said like, 30 words to him. and thats only b/c, working backstage, i had something to tell him, like your mic batteries needed changeing, or the clock is glued that way, or break a leg, or good job, and bye. thats basically everything i said to him, except in actual conversation. and this play was pretty much the only opportunity that i had to ever talk to him again, because by the end of this year, he is graduating and going off to college. and im so much of a loser that i've been thinking of going to the college hes going to, even tho its been my dream to go to an out of state college, so that would be my way out of Connecticut. ugh, grr,. w/e for now, i have three more years.

anyway, Mark is a really good singer. and a good actor. just wanted to say that. also, i've had so many guys and dolls songs stuck in my head forever now. i even rented the movie and watched it. but weirdly it was way different. dont feel like explaining how tho.

onto other things, today was my first Crew practice. if you dont know what crew is, it is rowing. as in boats. hence my title.

i've decided to do crew as my spring sport instead of softball, which i have been doing since 4th grade (which would be five years). i guess highschool makes you change your mind about a lot of things, like i did cross country instead of field hockey which i had also done for five years.

so far i really like crew. i mean, its major hard, but i think its enjoyable. and its also just my school, its our neighboring school too. theres not enough ppl for us to have seperate teams, so we conjoin teams. which is kinda cool, we get to meet new ppl.

anyway, like i was saying, its really hard. we get on the things called ergs. its basically a workout machine that teaches you how to row. im not gonna get into it, but basically we did that the whole time, really fast, and it was hard. but i think i like it. we'll see. it was only the first practice. but im not going to quit no matter what. even if the coach is a sexist pig, asshole, who wants to make ppl cry. (not my opinion, what someone else said he is like. to me he seemed alright. a bit harsh, and definatley pushy, but he seems like a good coach.)

okay, finally something that i cannot abandon. American Idol. i've missed a few weeks of journal entries. i've watched all the episodes, but most were DVR'd because of play rehersal. BUT now is time for the catch up before it is time tonight.

so the last week i left off in journal entries was Top 13 before results. I guessed it would be Michael Sarver and Jasmine Murray going home. well, i was right with Jasmine Murray, but the other was Jorge Nunez. unfortunately those were my moms two favouites (besides Adam). also, i was sorta right about the thing they were going to change. the judges do get to decide whos going home, but not exactly how i said it. i thought they would get to pick out of the bottom three, but they just get to decide to save the person or not, but they only get to do it once. i doubt they'll use it this early on tho.

so then the next week, the Top 11, country night. Kris Allen has made his way to be my third favorite.

he was amazing! and Anoop went from zero to hero! lol!

finally, as for Adam, i freaking loved his performance! it was so wierd, but it was still so amazing! i mean, i've heard Burning Ring of Fire many of times, and out of any well known country song i thought he would sing Dead or Alive, but he continues to surprise me. anyway, i loved the feed back he got too. even tho Simon said it was horrible, its still okay, cuz i think Simon is just close minded, lol.

anyway, so i really figured it would be bye bye Michael Sarver, but strangely it was Alexis Grace. eh, idk i thought she was good, and i thought Michael sucked. but, i dont hate him, hes too likable, and it was so said, when he said that thing about his daughter.

but i still want him to go home.

ALSO! it was soo funny! idk if any of you else caught it, but i caught Simon lying to Megan Corkrey! yah, i've been watching that new Fox show Lie to Me, and it has now come one of my fave shows (but not as much as House). but its actually really helpful too, cuz i can now tell more easily when ppl are lying. its really interesting actually.

so anyway, when Simon was giving his feedback to Megan, he had his hand on his face, and the only finger he had sticking up was his middle. this is supposed to be a sign that you are conciously flipping someone off without actually meaning too. since your middle finger is a national sign which has meaning basically known to everyone.

lol so i thought it was funny. but it may not be true for Simon at least, b/c his is from England, and idk if it means the same thing there. the middle finger may have no meaning there, so it could be nothing. idk.

so anyway tonight i'll be watching and voting and hopefully Michael Sarver goes home before anyone else.

kay buh-bye.

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Zutarafan16

Mar 11, 2009

Vooooooooooooooon

17 min read

didnt make it

So i havent been on. at all. in a while. but theres not really an explanation. except maybe that i just needed time away from the computer, and the internet world and all that. i still prolly wont be on much. just needed time to get over myself. about Von not making it to the Top 12. or, Top 13 i guess, now.

lets start at the begining of last week. Tues. night i really thought Von did well. and the judges loved him. and i voted approximately 453 times. just for him. and a voted a couple for some other ppl. anyways, i kinda new he wasnt going to make Top guy or second top vote getter that night, but i knew for sure he would be chosen for Wild Card. and sure enough, he was the first person they called down.

so Wild Card night was probably the most nerve racking night of the season yet, for me. i was hoping beyond belief for Von to make it to the Top 12, and Anoop as well.

So then it was Von's turn. and i was so happy hearing his beautiful voice. and i thought he was great. but then the judges said he was...boring. and they said he was too serious. and... i'll leave it at that. so i was pretty much dieing at this point. but Von took it well. which im glad about that.

then when Anoop went, he did great.
so finally the results. obviously, from their feedback, Von did not make it. i knew, as soon as they said they didnt like it, but of course it still hurt. i really dont know why i do this to myself. i get so hyped up on one thing sometimes, just to be dissappointed. in the case of American Idol, its a contestant. last year i picked my fave in the begining, Josiah Leming, and looked how that ended. now this year Von made it way farthur, but still.

so i tried holding it in for the rest of the show after they said Von didnt make it. and Anoop and Matt Giraud were up. so i said if Anoop didnt make it, i would die. and they said Matt was taking the final spot. uhh, thats where i broke down. srsly, i was crying. then they said the whole thing about makeing it Top 13 and stuff, and that Anoop really did make it, but for some reason that just made me cry harder. luckily, i went upstairs bfore my family could notice, and went and sobbed on my bed.

and then the next couple days after that i sorta just went around sulking. but since its already a new week of American Idol, i figured i needed to get on here, and just get over myself. and i just need to hope for the best for Von, cuz he is srsly talented. and w/e he does, i'll support him fully.

so, anyway, this weeks American Idol, the first time with a Top 13. there is no one i can picture winning anymore except for Adam Lambert. since he was my second fave before, but now that Von is no longer in, he is now my official fave. and Anoop is my second. i also like Allison Iraheta, she is really good.

as for last night, of course the best performance of the night was Adam Lambert. he was unbelievable. srsly amazing, and phenomonal. and Paula was so funny when she was saying how much she loved him.

lol

Allison Iraheta did really good too. my mom says she thinks its going to be Adam and Allison in the finale.

as for Anoop... ya know, i thought he did really good. i enjoyed listening to him sing Beat It, and it also kinda reminded me of Fall Out Boy's version. but the judges didnt like it. at all. Simon even said he regret making it a Top 13. 0_0

but as for tonight, i dont think Anoop will be voted off. who i do think will be voted off (or hope) will be Michael Sarver, cuz he shouldnt have even been there in the first place, and i think it will be one of the girls. my guess is Jasmine Murray, but we'll see. there will also be a shocking twist or something, that Simon wont think the audiance will like. well, that just sucks. if i could guess on the twist, i would say its going to be something where the bottom three (or however many they have) are revealed, and then the judges pick who to send home out of them. and it wont really matter who really had the least amount of votes, but just who the judges think should go home. idk, thats all i could think of. but then, after the judges pick who to send home, they reveal who really had the least amount of votes. so like, if the person who really had the least amount of votes wasnt picked to go home by the judges, then they would be warned that America voted for them the least.

okay, so thats my guess. i probably wont be right, but who knows. i'll update again later. and i feel like updating about my life soon. havent done that in a while, my journals are all about American Idol. who am i anymore?

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Zutarafan16

Mar 1, 2009

strecth yawn

5 min read

yut, i'm really tired.

which is pretty much my own fault. i stayed up all night reading.

litterally, like i didnt go to sleep. i finished a book i had been reading at 1 in the moring, and then i started an other book and finished it at 8. and by then it was too late to go to sleep. or should i say too early? ah, anyway, its not like i hadnt done this before. i even went to school one time without sleeping at all the night before.

so for more than a week, i havent been on the computer at all. thats got to be a first. i cant even say i've been that busy with anything. my main excuse are computer is whacking out. we need to buy a new monitor, b/c ours keeps getting overheated and the screen goes black. so my moms working on finding a good cheap one. which she probably wont find. it either has to be one or the other. which reminds me that i dont have much time on here right now, but i figured it need to write a journal.

also, we just had course selection day last week. where the only courses we really select are our electives, in which mine are Spanish 2, Art 2, and Computer Graphics. which i am happy about.

but the other courses, really, the teachers assign to you. right now this year, my main courses are all College Prep courses except for Algebra which is Honors.
so, i was informed that next year i will be in Honors Geometry (which i already knew) Honors English (yay!) and Honors Biology (what?! really?!) but still staying in College Prep History. (which doesnt have a special name that i can remember)

so, being in three honors classes next year, i've been trying to cut my habbit of slacking. which would mean i would need to start doing my homework. and all of it. and not just get by, by scoring good on tests. b/c hw is worth 25% of your grade or something, and i always end up getting B+ or A- on report cards when i could get higher if i just did my hw, blah blah blah.

let me tell you, its a hard habbit to quit. not doing your hw, i mean. cuz i could just think of tons of better things to do, then do my hw. srsly. but w/e

speaking of schoolwork, my friend Kacey is supposed to comeover today so we can finish out Health project that is due this Tues. that we are no where near being done. idk what we are going to do, since it is taking her a while to message me back on Facebook.

and im already under enough stress seeing as the CAPTs are all this week. well, that what we call them in Connecticut, idk what the call them everywhere else. SATs i think? im not in 10th grade yet so they're only practice, but still, i think they count for test grades in class. ugh, idk.

okay, that was just all a bunch of nonsense ranting. but it makes me feel better to do this. so, sorry for spamming your inbox. everyone prolly just deletes my journals anyway, but that doesnt bother me, lol. if you've been reading all this, idc if you stop reading right now, unless you want to read the next part which is the real reason for this journal in the first place.
My American Idol weekly rant. which is quite late, i might add.

so, yah, this week, the second group of 12. i might not say much, since its been a few days now. but then i say that, and i prolly will say alot. who knows? im just rambling now...

kay, anyway, i still dont like how they're doing things, but i sooo guessed them all right this week. Adam Lambert (

yaaaayy!! ), Allison Iraheta (who was pretty awesome), and Kris Allen (who i was hoping for, but it was hard to guess between him and Megan Corkrey) but yah, not many dissapointments this week. and i might add that i love Adam Lambert like 10 times more for his awesomesauce performance, and also him being a Twilight fan. lol

BUT now the next week approcahes. Von's turn finally.

but i know he can do it! and i voted my butt off for Adam Lambert. whats the next step after voting your butt off? voting your butt off, getting another, and voting it off again? idk, but if thats it, im doing it.

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Zutarafan16

Feb 21, 2009

Anooooooooooooop

3 min read

Havent had much time on here lately. my deviations list is stacking up. i'll have to get to that later.

Anyway, i reeeaaaly dont like how they're doing American Idol this year. picking the top guy and girl from each group of twelve and the second top and they go automatically to the top 12? it just seems so unfair. and plus taking three from each group only makes 9. how are they deciding the other three? i think it might be the judges wildcard thing i heard about, and i think the judges will take one person from each group who they want to give a second chance. but i still dont like how they're doing this. why couldnt they have just kept it as the Top 24 and went on how they usually do from there?

So this week was the first group of twelve. I guessed that Danny Gokey would be the Top guy, Alexis Grace would be the Top girl and Anoop Desai would be the second top amount of votes.

I was right about Danny and Alexis, but somehow Anoop didnt get it. uhh Michael Sarver? i didnt even remember his performance, but when they did show it back, i remembered that i didnt think that he was too good.

America... it was the first week of voting and you disappoint me already? *sigh* and Anoop was the one i voted the most for, anyway.

So thats why i think its unfair. Anoop lost his chance. unless they have that wildcard thing and the judges pick him. but then there was also Ricky Braddy who i thought was quite good as well, and Stevie Wright, who unfortunately didnt do too well, but i know is good (plus, shes a Jonas Brothers fan 8D ). idk, it just seems really unfair.

but what i do know is next week i'll be voting my butt off for Adam Lambert. and then the week after that i'll be voting my butt off even move for Von Smith.

also if they do do that wild card thing i hope the judges dont pick Tatiana. as far as i'm concerned, the way she acted this week just proved even more how pyscho she is. srsly, she must have multiple personalities or something. just the way she was acting didnt seem natural. even if it wasnt her, i would have thought the person was acting a little strange. my mom said it reminded her of a movie Sybil. never saw that movie but if you have tell me if you think she did too.

Off of American Idol, tomorrow im going with my family to a memorial service. a friend of the family passed away a couple weeks ago from a long term fight with breast cancer. its quite sad, but we were all expecting it. i just feel for her family, her husband and two sons one in college and one younger than my sister, 8 i think.
i know i'll probably tear up a bit tomorrow, with others around crying. its just all so horrible, really.

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umm... To Anyone Who Actually Still Remembers Me by Zutarafan16, journal

umm... To Anyone Who Actually Still Remembers Me

Nov 14, 2009

I'm still alive. And I never realized how much I've missed this place until now that I've come back. Well, really I'm still making my way back. but hopefully my hiatus is over. And i'm going to try to get back into the motion of things around here. But I might just start a new account. Just to start clean and actually try to keep up with it. But i'm still debating that. I've really missed you all sooo much!! wow, my last journal entry was Mar. 25th. that seems ages ago. also, I think I have changed a lot. more on that later, but i just dont think im the same as i used to be. and whats this about free journal skins? *changing mine*

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Mar 25, 2009

NEGLECTION! I'M SORRY! :hug: i've really just been so busy. so i'll guess i'll explain what i've been doing. for the past 3 weeks or so i have been working backstage for my school play Guys and Dolls. (~AtemAdamgirl (https://www.deviantart.com/atemadamgirl) was actually in it) the showing was this weekend. but before that we basically had practice almost everday from 6:30 to around 10:00. but i enjoyed it. even if it took away from other things, it was still a lot of fun. and backstage is actually really hard. harder than i expected at least. i also made a lot of new friends, which is always good. but also playing one of the lead roles of was 'Mark'. and another person who ha

Vooooooooooooooon by Zutarafan16, journal

Vooooooooooooooon

Mar 11, 2009

didnt make it :( So i havent been on. at all. in a while. but theres not really an explanation. except maybe that i just needed time away from the computer, and the internet world and all that. i still prolly wont be on much. just needed time to get over myself. about Von not making it to the Top 12. or, Top 13 i guess, now. lets start at the begining of last week. Tues. night i really thought Von did well. and the judges loved him. and i voted approximately 453 times. just for him. and a voted a couple for some other ppl. anyways, i kinda new he wasnt going to make Top guy or second top vote getter that night, but i knew for sure he would

strecth yawn by Zutarafan16, journal

strecth yawn

Mar 1, 2009

yut, i'm really tired. :yawn: which is pretty much my own fault. i stayed up all night reading. :reading: litterally, like i didnt go to sleep. i finished a book i had been reading at 1 in the moring, and then i started an other book and finished it at 8. and by then it was too late to go to sleep. or should i say too early? ah, anyway, its not like i hadnt done this before. i even went to school one time without sleeping at all the night before. so for more than a week, i havent been on the computer at all. thats got to be a first. i cant even say i've been that busy with anything. my main excuse are computer is whacking out. we need to buy

Anooooooooooooop by Zutarafan16, journal

Anooooooooooooop

Feb 21, 2009

Zutarafan16

umm... To Anyone Who Actually Still Remembers Me

Row, row, row your boat!

Vooooooooooooooon

*strecth* *yawn*

Anooooooooooooop

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